Thoughts on a Swedish Wedding

I went to visit A for the second time a few weeks ago. One of the purposes of my trip aside from spending good quality time with my boyfriend in Malmo, Sweden was to attend a wedding with him. It would be my first Swedish wedding. I did lots of research for it as I was very nervous about breaking some custom that I wouldn't know about. While A is good about helping me with many of the customs and traditions of Sweden, what a woman should wear to a Swedish wedding was not one of them. Women in the US (well NYC area) wear a lot of black to weddings. This is a huge no-no in the area of Sweden A is from. Its a good thing I found this out because all I wear to weddings is black. We even have a term for it: "the little black dress". Its a staple of all women's wardrobe. Other dress colors that are a no-no at weddings are white (just like us) and then, red. Red signifies that you have "been with" the groom.

Well, after much research and some worry over what to do and how to be at a wedding in a different country I think I did okay. I found a dress in a color other than black, red or white which was a bit difficult. I was told that Swedes don't sit with their dates unless they are engaged, but that was okay because they would write a biography so that the people around you would know something about you and who you were with. This was a source of some anxiety for me as I don't speak Swedish and I didn't know anyone at the wedding. All of A's friends were sitting on the other side of the room. The bride and groom were good to me though and sat A not too far from me. Swedes love to practice their English and this was a Scottish/Swedish wedding so there was plenty of English spoken. Everyone had a few drinks and everyone was talking.

Finding my "partner" to sit with at the wedding was a little stress inducing however. A would not let me walk to the seating area till I found my partner. I guess this is a fun part of the wedding festivities. However, unbeknown to me I was sitting next to a British relative who wasn't told about these customs so he didn't look for me and I walked around till I had no one to take me to my seat and felt like a loser. I wasn't the only one, but I can't say the game was fun.

Another difference at Swedish weddings were the toasts and speeches. They even have members of the bridal party called "toast masters". I enjoyed this. The beginning part of the reception is dinner and speeches. There is no grand entrance under strobe lights and loud pounding music introducing the bride and groom like they are entering the ring at the WWE. There is no dancing until later... much later. There are many speeches given by whomever wants to talk while everyone eats. Luckily it was a mixed culture wedding, so all of the speeches were given in Swedish and English and most of the speeches were quite clever. Only after everyone had eaten all of the courses and the speeches were done did they clear away the tables and the "party" begun with dancing and a DJ. We danced into the night and drank way too much and I woke up on the bathroom floor at A's apartment not quite sure how I got there. I really enjoyed my first Swedish wedding. There is more to write about the festivities, but I will save it for another time. I enjoyed how different and unique it was to me. American weddings tend to be all the same. Everyone seems to follow the same prescription or some variation on the prescription and it becomes too predictable. I loved the genuine quality of L & G's wedding, much like the Swedes that I have met.

Been a Long, Long Time

Its been a long time since I dabbled in blogging with one, very depressing post. I have decided that perhaps I should try it again with a more positive spin. My name is Joy How can you not be positive with a name like that and I have always been regarded as an overly positive person, but the last few years were not so for me and thus, I was somewhat "joy-less". It has taken a long time to heal, but I am healing. I still have a ways to go, but it is happening with the help of an unlikely friend.

The last few years have been all about soul searching and learning more about me. I had no choice but to do that as I was forced to be by myself quite a bit more than I was used to. My parents and brothers moved away, my boyfriend of 9 years and I broke up and my friends found themselves preoccupied with their own relationships and schedules. I still got together with my loved ones, but I was not used to being so alone with myself to actually listen to myself and get to know myself. I found that I had neglected me and some of what I truly enjoyed for a long time. I also found that many of my interests that I had shared with K for so long and my other friends and family didn't share in ,I had no one to talk to about any more. That made it hard for me as well. I still struggle with that and have had little luck in finding someone who shares in those unlikely interests.

I decided to travel.... alone. I had been on a few trips, all extremely therapeutic and wonderful experiences despite concern from loved ones that I would be kidnapped or something. I had been to Maine, Cooperstown, Mexico and finally, Alaska.

While on my last trip, August of 2007 I met a wonderful group of people from all over the world. I keep in touch with many of them regularly. One of the individuals who I keep in touch with the most and that is daily, is A. He has truly helped me to heal the most. I will write more on him and my healing in future blogs to come.